Abortion.

Hey I just wanted to vent on an issues / memory that happened earlier in my life.
At the age of 14 I started to have sex with my ex partner I didn't understand too much about contraception and I never told my mum I was having sex.
He ( my x partner ) didn't want to use condoms and me being young and naive just wanted to please him.
It wasn't long till I got pregnant.
I didn't know or even think I was.
I just found every morning getting up for school was a lot more difficult as I was so tired and would throw up every morning after a week of going through this I told my mum I felt sick and I really can't handle being at school today. She told me to suck it up and go. As she thought I was just trying to get days off. This continued for another week. My mum had finally asked are you having sex? I replied no scared she will kill me! She said well you have been sick now every morning for the last week I'm going to buy you a pregnancy test and you are going to take it.
I was so scared I never thought I was pregnant!
So I said to my Mum yes we are sleeping together.
She went to the chemist and got me a pregnancy test she came home and told me what to do. We waited maybe 2 minutes not even and it came back positive.
I was in shock so was my mum I couldn't stop crying I had to then tell my partner at that time.
We were both shocked and confused on what to do with both of us being so young.
Him being 16 and me 14 having a baby so young would be so hard but what came next we both had no idea about.

Both our parents had spoken to each other about our situation and had booked me in for an abortion. I felt we had no choice I didn't even know there was such thing as an abortion till then. The day of the abortion as we were walking into the facilities there were people protesting out the front saying things like pro life and you are killing your baby plus many more things.
I went in with my mum and sister. Firstly i had to fill out paperwork which I didn't know what  it was saying so I just gave it to my Mum to fillout. they then called me in for an ultrasound I didn't know what this was. But I got to hear my baby's heartbeat and it was to find out how far along I was it was around 6 weeks! After that I i had to then see some lady asking why I wanted the abortion and if I was sure about it. I just said I'm young and this is what I have to do.
But I honestly i had no idea what I was doing.

Then I had to go back in the waiting room to wait my turn for the abortion. The place was packed I remember looking around seeing women with baby bellies looking ready to give birth any minute. So many thoughts, & emtions where
going through my head I just started to breakdown in my mum's lap saying I can't do this please I really can't do this. My mum hugged me and said you have to.
Next minute they called me in to begin the procedure.
I'll never forget having to take all my clothes off in this little room and put this gown thing on..
Then knocking on his door to say I'm ready. When I wasn't!
As I walk into the operating room seeing all these machines it just felt so wrong but I thought there was no way out.
They put me to sleep and I woke up in the recovery room. They did all these tests to make sure the procedure worked and then let me go. I walked out and just hugged my mum so emotional and  unsure of what I had just done.


As we walked out the front all the protesters were gone but they left a sign and flowers which said r i p to all the innocent babies killed! I could have have not felt any lower than what I did in that moment. It's always stuck in my head and will never leave.

The other day and this is now 9 years later a video came up on my news feed on Facebook about abortion! The doctor showed and talked about the whole procedure of an abortion and had an animated video to show how they terminate the birth.
 I'm not going to go into the details about it. I thought back then I felt so low but watching that video made me completely break down to see what I did to my baby. I really did kill it and no I had no choice but I did it. I didn't speak up until it was too late.

Doing these school presentation with Karitane i truly want to get across to these young teens that if they are choosing to have sex please use protection! I don't want anyone to go through what I have been through.

I completely disagree with the whole procedure of abortion it's not humane in my eyes I believe it should only be for someone in extreme circumstances i also believe  people should watch a video on what the whole procedure is before having to go through with an abortion.

This is a memory an event in my life that I'll have to live with for the rest of my life and, it will never ever get easier.