To all the Mummas. :)

Here’s to all the moms (and dads) keeping it real out there.  You know who you are, sitting there exhausted, feeling like you're not totally cutting it.  Thinking that you should probably be folding that pile of laundry, cleaning the kitchen, getting to the gym, showering or countless other things on your never ending to-do list.  Feeling guilty for looking at your phone...again.

I went to an indoor playground the other day and had one of those moms (that we all know and love…*cough*) come up to me and ask me why my son didn’t have socks on.  Like, obviously I wish my son had socks on.  Apparently, she lived on some planet where two year olds are reasonable human beings. She reminded me of the mom that I was “discussing” screen time with on one of those mom forums the other day.  She was trying to tell me that using your iPhone with your child around is ignoring your child, trying to “out-mom” me with her absurd opinions on how you should do nothing more than sit there and stare at your children all day while they play, ensuring there is eye contact each and every time they look up to you and keep your phone stored away like it’s some sort of weapon against good parenting.  

I’ve seen her before and other moms like her, dressed to the nines, her children ready for a photoshoot at all times, looking, watching and waiting for opportunities to judge other moms.  

Then there’s the rest of us.

The moms keeping it real.  

We love our kids to the ends of the earth.  We tend to their every need.  We work hard to show them the world and teach them to be appropriate human beings, we breed kindness, act on impulses of love and instinct...but we’re not perfect.  We started out thinking parenting was going to be way easier than it is.

I don't know you personally, but I know you very well.

I know why you’re late and forgot to bring diapers out with you.  Just as you were packing your diaper bag your two year old poked himself in the eye and needed a kiss, that turned into a hug, that turned into an extended cuddle, that turned into a drink of orange juice, that turned into needing a straw that you didn’t have, that required you to make a straw.  And then the baby woke up and needed out of their carseat to be fed again.  I get it.

I know why you’re wearing the same thing you wore yesterday…and the last time we hung out.  Because you only have a couple pairs of jeans that fit you right now and the other pair got spilled or puked on minutes after getting them out of the clean laundry.  Shopping is impossible and you don’t feel like you have anything that fits or is even in style right now. 

I know why you’re feeding your kid goldfish and ice cream for dinner….again.  Because you worked hard for the past hour chopping up and preparing the organic veggies you specifically got at the farmers market into a recipe that Jessica Alba swore any kid would eat.  Any kid except yours, apparently.  You were super excited about it and he was super unexcited about it.   He wouldn’t eat the homemade soup or healthy breakfast bites you made earlier in the week either.  You were tired and your kid would only eat goldfish today.   Don't worry, you're definitely not the first parent to try and rationalize ketchup as a veggie serving.  We all get that desperate some days.

I know why your kid has watched more TV today than you’re comfortable admitting.  He needed you last night and needed extra snuggles.  So, you camped out in his bed and let him watch movies, nestled in your sweet embrace.  It feels like you've spent more time cuddling him back to sleep than sleeping yourself in the past couple of years...and you're exhausted.  He probably watched more TV than you would have wanted him to this morning as well because you were tired and he wouldn’t let you leave his room last night, so you slept with one arm around him and one balancing yourself on the edge of the bed, dozing in and out of sleep, woken up with random kung fu chops to the head.  This morning he watched two feature length films before breakfast and surfed YouTube while eating.  You would rather he do that than have felt alone last night...and the night before....and the night before.  

I know why you bring your iPad everywhere you go and pull it out at the restaurant or at a meal when things get a little hairy.  You haven’t eaten a proper hot meal in days and you want to have a decent conversation with your spouse.  You miss them.  Besides, look at how much he's learned from those apps.  Did he just sing the whole ABC song?  I know you know the limits between what is too much and what's appropriate. 

I know why you’re on your phone browsing Facebook while your kid plays independently.  You’re not ignoring him.  You spent the morning chasing him around the playground, being a monster, dinosaur, lion and whatever else he wanted you to be.  You deserve a quick break from patiently explaining everything that is going on in the world around you, negotiating the basic things that you don't think needs an explanation but you explain anyways, a second to just "be", to gap out. You need a minute.  Of course you do.  The other 95% of your day is dedicated to your kids.

I know why you give your kid juice over water more often than you should.  Because, well, he enjoys it.  Vitamin C, am I right?!  And you find yourself powerless when he looks at you with big eyes and says "please" in the sweetest voice you could ever imagine.  I know you also have tried to make your own, but it's been spit back out at you.  

I know why your kid isn’t wearing socks, or proper boots, or his hat.  Some things are just not negotiable with 2 and 3 year olds and you didn’t have energy left to battle it because you spent the last ounce of energy you had today looking up holiday parades in your area you could take him to on the weekend.  

I know why you’re formula feeding him.  You tried for months to make breastfeeding work and you couldn’t.  You couldn’t cry about it anymore or will it to work.  It just didn’t work out, for whatever reason and you’ve made peace with it...and beautifully bonded with your baby in so many other ways.

I know why you've nursed you child for way longer than you planned.  They love it.  You love it. And it just feels natural. 

I know why you can never commit to plans with friends, don’t answer some texts and have trouble meeting up with friends.  Your child refuses a bottle and you’re his only source of nourishment and comfort at bedtime, so you revolve your life around that and don’t know how to explain that to people that think your child shouldn’t be so reliant on you.  You don't quite understand it either.

I know why you’re back on your phone again while your child plays independently.  You’re asking other moms about how to help solve challenges you’re having.  You’re texting your closest mom friends to tell them you’re having a tough day…or to laugh about how much of a gong show your playdate was.  Or to try and reconnect with the friends you miss most and have little time to see.  Or you're working.  Trying to take care of your children at the same time.  Something you once thought was impossible, you're balancing perfectly.

I know why you sleep with your kid every night.  After months of trying everything under the sun, it's the only way you figured out how everyone in your family could sleep peacefully.  You couldn't resist the cries out for you.  And you enjoy it.

I know why you couldn't bear the thought of having your child in your bed.  You have had enough kicks to the head.  Or you desperately need some sleep.

I know how you wish your child would snuggle with you in your bed or their bed... But they just won't.

I know why your child just whipped their OJ across the restaurant.  You were busy stirring sugar into your friend's coffee when you saw them fumbling awkwardly with one hand while nursing their baby....and your child needed your attention.

I know why your kid is screaming in the middle of the mall.  You are trying to teach him to be an appropriate human being.  And babies, toddlers and preschoolers are born the opposite of appropriate.  Adjusting them to the world's norms of appropriateness comes with a lot of meltdowns.

I know why your house is a mess.  You were building forts all morning and made not one, but FOUR options for lunch. You spend your moments playing play-doh, dinosaurs, dress-up, smashing cars...not making sure your house looks perfect.

I know why you're counting down to bedtime.  Your child didn't nap today and you haven't been able to do anything in peace today.  You just want to go and eat chocolate, by yourself.

I get it.  Boy do I ever get it.

I know these moms and surround myself with moms like you.  I am you.  We keep it real and we keep each other sane. We are exhausted, sleep deprived and happy.  We hang our hat on the moments that count.  Those moments that melt your heart; when your child tells you that they love you, when you see them trusting you and overcoming a major obstacle in their life with a smile on their face, when they are kind to a friend or sibling...and you didn't ask them to.  These are the real parenting milestones...not size, physical feats or how many leaves of spinach they ate today.  We share our ups and downs with other moms.  Not afraid to talk about how hard it is sometimes and how we've overcome those "real" moments to make the next mom feel better.  We aren't "spoiling" our kids, we are just picking our battles and letting them be little and allowing them to feel.

We are setting limits whenever necessary, saying "no" but not afraid to end their biggest outbursts with a hug...and sometimes a box of smarties or YouTube video. We are relishing in the joy of being able to solve their problems with a warm embrace or slice of pizza because one day we will wish it was just that easy. We are amazing moms with children that know how loved they are.  We are breeding kindness and into a world that sooooo needs it.

Let's all raise our "ten times reheated and now back to room temp" coffee to all of us moms keeping it real...and keeping each other sane.  You are raising beautiful, kind and very loved children and picking your battles with your heart and children's best interest first and the opinion of others second.  You're lifting other moms up and offering a helping hand or a warm smile, over a judgmental look or opinion.  Thank you for raising the kind of people I want my son to share a generation with.  

And we sometimes eat Kraft Dinner and bribe our children with lollipops.  So sue us.

No, we don't have it all figured out.  No, we aren't perfect.  No we "don't have it all".  But we have enough...and our enough is so so much.