back to reality - thats Talking realities lol!!!!!!!

WARNING:This post contains graphic details about Domestic Violence that may upset some people. Not long ago I started writing a post about Domestic Violence but changed my mind and deleted it before it was finished. I guess that now I feel better equipped to express myself on a public forum about DV. 1am must be a good time for me to write, I often find myself up and awake deep in thought at this ridiculous hour, usually when I'm listening to Music, I do some of my best thinking while listening to Music, my other favourite place to think is on the bus or walking at Dusk. The topic has been on my mind for some time, it's been a reality for me more than once now and although I'm quite free with talking about it, it's still quite raw, maybe it will always be raw. In late 2007 early 2008 I fell in love with a man who had the power to take away mine. It was my first really serious relationship, at times I felt in over my head, I wouldn't say I was young and naive but in hindsight love is blind and naive would be a perfect word to describe it, Looking back there were lots of warning signs before the first physical incident and the emotional and psychological abuse started likely long before then also, but in hindsight everyone has 20/20 vision right? At first when he didn't want me to go out without him even to just walk to the shops to buy bread I thought he was just a clingy guy. Wrong. It turned out to be an issue of control, another form of control which he developed was financial control, When we started seeing each other I was living with my Dad and Sister, I wasn't working because I'd just finished studying and was recovering from a knee injury, so I had no income and he used this as a way to control me, while I never officially moved out of home I spent most of my time staying with him, I spent short periods back home but he always came with me. After putting too much stress on my knee I'd had another injury and ended up back on crutches, not long after that happened we were staying at my house my Dad had worked all day and wasn't really in the mood for chatting with him and he took offence (he was getting quite unwell with his Bipolor by this stage in the relationship and was talking about weird things and having delusions of Grandieur) and after everyone went to bed he was still angry that my Dad hadn't been in the mood to chat so he stole most of the meat out of the freezer, cleaned out my Dad's alcohol collection and stole my Sister's money. I caught him taking the alcohol to the car and argued with him and told him to put the alcohol back because it wasn't his unaware of all the other things he'd loaded into the car already, he ended up forcing me into the car in tears and driving wrecklessly to where he was living at the time, I was beside myself and he was telling me to calm down. Truthfully this incident would probably be the first physical incident. There were other occasions where I was forced to do things against my will but this is the most prominent in my mind right now. Then in April 2008 what I call the first physical incident occurred, we were staying at one of his relatives houses and he came into the room where I was sleeping drunk and started throwing his weight around lifting the side of the bed up off the ground and dropping it repeatedly, he wanted to have sex but I didn't, he then picked me up and threw me over his shoulder took me into the other bedroom and threw me down on the bed I felt my knee cap pop out of place then back on again (was still on crutches from when I reinjured it before) he then proceeded shake me up and down bashing my head into the headboard of the bed while screaming incoherently in my face while I just lay there crying hysterically. He then made me give him my Dad's phone number and said he would hurt or kill him. He later came in with a knife which he have to me and I then hid it on the bedside table behind a few things, while he was in the other room I managed to sms his Mum and tell her to get his Dad to contact me ASAP as he was unwell, when he "calmed" down he got into bed and asked if I was going to suck his dick now, we just went to sleep. The next morning he was gone, he went to his friends and later called to see if I was ok, when I spoke to his Dad I didn't tell him initially about what had really gone on, I told him he'd had an episode, not long after he was admitted to mental health and was in hospital for about 2 weeks, his Dad drove me home, I spoke to him during his hospital stay but only briefly. Naively I thought the hospital stay would help him so I left the incident at that and went back and stayed with him, part of me knew I should leave and the other part loved him and offered him a second chance thinking he would get well. I knew that I didn't want to be with him anymore around the time of my 21st Birthday and started trying to avoid him and went home to stay by myself for a while and ended up staying with him for a while longer after that, he had gotten too much for me to handle and made me feel bad most days, a lot of the times we had sex I didn't want to but went along with it rather than start an argument, he wasn't taking his medication properly, I fell pregnant to him in July, I cried. He was over the moon he wanted to start a family, I didn't. He had our whole life planned out and I didn't even want to be with him, now I was pregnant. I have always been against abortion (I don't have a problem with those who choose abortions but it's not something for me, it's not a choice I could live with, but I don't condem those who do) but those first few days I seriously considered getting an abortion so I could be free from this man. One morning it all came to a head, we were lying on the bed and listening to the radio and he said what did she (radio host) say? I had to repeat myself a few times before eventually getting frustrated and asking him to listen to which he replied in anger and went to slam his fist down into me but I quickly moved and his fist hit the bed instead of my stomach, then moments later screeched out to abort the baby as he left the room. Later that day his Dad came, mental health were called and he was admitted. His Dad took me home and that was the end of our relationship. I decided to keep the baby, My Family were very supportive, Out of this abusive and damaging relationship had come a blessing. Throughout my pregnancy he texted, called, sent letters (10 plus page letters daily), CD's of songs he recorded for me, then started randomly showing up at all hours of the day and night leaving flowers or just hanging around. One of the more frightening letters would be the one where he planned our wedding, he'd even spoken to the priest and scouted out venues, the day was planned out in lengthy detail the only thing he said he'd left for me to do was choose a dress and my bridesmaids. I was worried, fuelled by pregnancy hormones I tore up all the letters and threw everything away, it was my way of coping. In reality I should have had him charged with harassment and taken out an AVO. Which would have been handy given recent events I won't go into detail about recent events or the issues I've had since my Daughter was born, I'll save that for another post, there is just too much, but fast forward to this moment where I am waiting to go to court in a little over a weeks time to hopefully have an AVO granted against this man, without going into the details I did not take him back into my life as my partner, he came back into my life through visitation for my daughter, I put myself back in harms way to ensure she would be protected and after 2&1/2 years it came to a head in December last year when there was a physical incident with the child and numerous other incidents leading up to that point that involved both my daughter and myself, contact was stopped, an AVO was sought by me, professional supervised visitation was sought at mediation and agreed upon and was to be enforced in the form of consent orders, while waiting for the consent orders to be drawn up which took some time, he went back to his previous pattern of harassment, sms, cards and phone calls, he hasn't started showing up at all hours of the day and night yet but as I mentioned an AVO has been sought and I am hoping to charge him with harassment also. So even though I didn't take him back he was still able to control and abuse me and hurt my daughter, he used emotional and psychological abuse to take my confidence away, the confidence I had gained by leaving him. I didn't realise that it was happening all over again until around September last year when I spoke to my Karitane Home Visitor, it wasn't until that point that I even realised the depth of the instances from the initial abuse before I was pregnant. I'm not entirely sure about where I was going with this post but I guess the message is clear, Domestic Violence can happen to anyone, in any relationship at any stage, age, race, religion or socio economic background and sexual orientation. You don't realise how deep or how far DV has gone til after the fact and by then it is often too late.