Thursday, 31 May 2018

when the unexpected happens

All the time you hear about people getting sick but when it happens to you or a family member....

Early December 2017 my dad suffered a severe stroke. He lives with my mum. A few days leading up to his admission to hospital my mum expressed concern to me that my dad was starting to act strange. She said he was trying to use the remote control as a phone, thinking he had lost his car keys and not making much sense in what he was saying.
I responded to my mum by saying to just keep an eye on him.... I went through a list of conditions it could be such as a urinary tract infection and even said stroke but thought that was the worst case scenario.
As a nursing student my mum knows she can ask me for advice, even though I may not have all the answers.
The morning of his hospital admission my mum phoned me. She said that my dad was not speaking at all and looked strange. I immediately went over to her house.
When I arrived I walked straight in to see my dad sitting on the lounge. I noticed straight away that the right side of his face had drooped and he had saliva all over his face. I asked "DAD, are you ok???" I then noticed he could not communicate at all, he had lost his speech. I then pretty much determined it was a stroke and rang the ambulance.
I stayed on the phone to the ambulance until the paramedics arrived. They also thought it was stroke and took him to the hospital straight away for further tests.
At hospital it was revealed my dad suffered an ischaemic stroke (blocked artery) that effected 3 lobes.
After a week in hospital and seeing some improvements in my dads speech and mobility we got the news that my dad had been found out in the car park of the hospital and a further scan revealed he had a bleed on his brain and he went back downhill.
My dad spent almost 3 months in that hospital trying to recovery.

Now my dad is home with my mum and she is his full time carer with the help from us kids.
He is doing so much better now he is home. He was malnourished while in hospital and has been steadily gaining weight and eating healthier now.
His communication is still a daily struggle. He struggles to find the right words and sometimes it sounds as if he is speaking another language but is slowly improving.
He used to walk with a walking stick which he still uses now but is 5x slower.

We never thought this would happen to our family even though he ticked all the risk factor boxes. As a family we have all came together to do what we have to do. This incident has helped me understand the importance of family and has really made me think that we are lucky to still have him and to cherish the time we have together.

Kayla :)

Wednesday, 24 January 2018

Be proud of yourself :)

I hope everyone had a awesome Christmas and New Year. I cant wait to see what this year holds for me I really hope it's a lot better and easier then last year. We're finally prepared for Cienna to start school (happy dance)  and I'm excited to start my cert IV in mental Health. As a mum Iv always doubted myself and thought I'm not good enough or doing good enough, but I can say looking back at last year and having some of the biggest hurdles thrown at me and dealing with what I went though.  I can say how proud I am of how far I have come and what I have achieved at such a low time in my life.   Bring on 2018 I wish everyone happiness and success xxx

Monday, 11 December 2017

Having babies isn’t what it seems.

“Call me a hypocrite.... but I’m young mum, please don’t have kids young.

Accidents happen, and when they happen— sure— step up! But don’t plan this at 15...16...17.

Ps. This is to all the young teens who post in advice/women’s groups on Facebook saying “I want a baby... I’m so clucky.. I want to be a teen mum”. 

Please understand my opinion is coming from a good place, I may not know you, but I give a shit enough to give you realistic advice. 

I know you’ll either roll your eyes, call me a hypocrite, or maybe this will hit you in the head like a soccer ball on a school playground, and open up your mind— but at the end of the day it’s your body and your choice— just remember that your choice will not only affect you but your partner and most importantly, your potential child’s life.

Too many young girls are planning to have babies upon impulse without thinking about the situation as it is— a lifetime commitment to ANOTHER human. It is NO picnic. It’s f**king hard, some days it drives you to insanity and you’re crying into a pillow because you haven’t had time to eat, shit, sleep or shower in two days— that’s the truth. 

Babies are not something that should be had “when you feel clucky” as some have said. That’s another human life— and it’s definitely not as delightful as it looks in your friends photos on Facebook. Those “perfect family photos” make up for 2% of a day where the house is at peace— believe me— its aaaaall an illusion. 

Babies might be cute, and I fall in love every time a mum brings her baby into my work— I beg for a hold just so I can take in that youthful newborn smell all over again! 

... but all the cute stuff, the little yawns, the tiny socks, all the things that “make you clucky” come and go like Christmas Day.

Sure, the love between a mother and child at any age will always be there, I love my son more than anything on this earth— but if I could go back I would have had him when I was in a stable relationship with no significant financial burden. If I could go back, I would have finished University FIRST and set myself up so that I could have been the best mum I can be.

I was a mum at 13 turning 14  but the difference is I didn’t plan it in the slightest— I stepped up and now I struggle my ass off to provide for a child who deserves [more]. I couldn’t even afford to buy her birthday presents last year— it was heartbreaking. I’m always behind on bills to this day. Not only that, but I stayed with an abusive person for the sake of my child for a good year+.. then after a year of losing my mind, I left— and that wasn’t the easy way out because I still deal with ongoing abuse from ex in-laws and a very unsupportive ex (father of my child).

To sum up, my child has one parent who she doesn’t see enough, because I’m either studying or I’m at work trying to provide for her, and another parent who puts her as a last priority behind his social/clubbing life when he should be spending time with her. 

My baby doesn’t deserve this— It’s hard admitting that my girl deserves more, but it’s the truth. 

Being a parent is NOT something you should plan at a young age. Sure, you might have your head screwed on at 17 like I and many other mums did and could make the sacrifices necessary to give a child the essentials— but if you don’t have the financial stability, a respectful relationship, the maturity and a willingness to make sacrifices [from both parents] or the support from a community of people including friends and family— hell, my point is— if it’s not what’s best for them, why on earth would you plan it? 😞 

Sure, I often hear the phrase “you’re never ready at any age”, but when you have a choice and you’re not in the situation where you NEED to step up and do all of this, ALWAYS decide to plan “what’s best” instead of acting on an impulse that will effect more people than yourself.

I hope this will reach the audience it’s directed at, and I hope many young women will see this for what it is— an encouragement to choose what’s best, to strive to achieve all your goals, finish your education and fall in love with someone along the way who treats you like a queen— do all of this before settling down and starting a family. We all deserve a happy life, lived at it greatest potential— including our little ones!” ❤️❤️

Tuesday, 7 November 2017


My daughter has started kindy orientation, first day was rough she kept telling me she hated it. She had been told off about 3 times before we got into the class room for taking her shoes off(she hates wearing shoes lol)  and my god I have never felt so many eyes on me! I'm the youngest mum there, all others are well in late 20s early 30s.  I wanted to leave I didn't want to stay  I was so Overwhelmed with judgement. LUCKILY the teacher is aware of ciennas issues and spoke to me directly and assured me she's happy to work with us. I'm looking forward to next year,  a little scared but excited :). Cienna rubs it in and says mum your baby is going to big school how do you feel?  😂

Bring on 2018

Friday, 1 September 2017

The parts about motherhood they don't tell you about.

Today it really hit me, that there is so much more to motherhood that our children will never understand until they reach this point themselves.

 Today a close friend of mine committed suicide. I've been broken & crying all day, as heart breaking as it is. Though the hardest part about today was the amount of times I needed to pull myself together & continue to be my daughters mother, meeting all her needs / our daily routine. 
All I could think about & desperately wanted to do was lay in bed all day, to cry my eyes out into my pillow. But I didn't. I got up, make breakfast, took her to school, cleaned ect right up til about 10mis ago which was bed time for my daughter. My day still isn't done yet though. I'm sitting up finishing the last touches on my daughters Father's Day gifts while she sleeps peacefully. My point being in this post is, as mothers no matter how bad our day is we get up, we continue to mother on regardless how broken/sad/tired we are on these days. We don't have a choice or a second option, we just get it done. Which until today, I was unaware this was such are hard task I would have to face in this journey being a mother. But chin up any mumma's going through this, you are not alone.  

Tuesday, 15 August 2017

Feeling over it

I feel like everything is just out to make my life harder 😩 I have done everything I had to,  to get my child medicated and to try and get on top of her ADHD. But I feel like its worse now everything she does is whinged about like its a excuse for her behavior or I'm constantly asked has she had her meds today where before they just had to Deal with it Weather they liked it or not, I've given ideas and strategies for her daycare to trial and see what works better for her while she is at daycare, and I don't think they are doing it,  I'm trying to make it easier for them and her, and now because of all this I'm finding myself dreading picking her up because she's had a feral day and then comes home and is the same it's so hard. After a long day I would like to relax for five minutes or not even relax just a half decent behaved child, it's almost like what she's doing at daycare she will then come home and continue the same behavior. I'm at a loss on what to do.

Sunday, 6 August 2017

Starting kindy next year

Urrggghhh I dont think I'm ready for my baby girl to go out into the big world 😫 where has time gone she will be 5 next month and it only feels like yesterday she was starting to walk and talk, everyone's all about preparing the child for big school what about us parents Aha ?? As the year ends and it's getting closer to her going to big school I'm starting to freak out. I'm hoping she has a teacher who understands her and can help her as she has adhd and can take abit to settle down, and people just think shes naughty rather then understanding her.  Please tell me I'l be fine lol.

Just my first world problem for today :)