Hi. I am a newborn so naturally everyone in my family is a pro when it comes to handling me. However, when it comes to visitors, my parents are constantly having to have to play the "bad guys." As mommy and daddy's new bundle of joy, I've come up with the 7 cardinal rules of visiting me, a newborn:
(there is a difference between disagreeing and being respectful ... please do not comment on this post if you will not be respectul of others ... thanks!)
1. Do not kiss me, anywhere, at any time, no matter how delicious I look. In fact, do not put your face anywhere near my face or my hands. If you absolutely insist on kissing me (annoying both mommy and daddy), please do so on the top of my head, as I cannot reach that yet, or on the bottom of my feet, don't worry they're clean!
2. If my parents hand me to you in a baby carrier, use it. Do not take me out of the carrier under any circumstance. My friends and I tend to be sensitive to your clothes, detergent, excessive perfumes/colognes, so just keep me in my carrier and I'll play nice.
3. I'm sure your children in particular are the healthiest children in the world, but, let me put it this way - it's not you, it's me. I am born a germaphobe and it may take me a couple of months to adjust to this yucky world. And don't ask mommy and daddy if you can bring your kids anyway - they really don't enjoy saying no.
4. If I start crying when I'm with you, please give me back to mommy. I get you want to soothe me and be a superhero for doing it but I really just want my mommy and daddy.
5. I get hungry, sleepy, poopy, and fussy around the clock. If you want to visit me, plan to come for less than an hour so mommy and daddy can get back to giving me their undivided attention instead of hosting you! Also, don't plan on eating here (my mom barely eats, she doesn't have time to feed you) or staying over unless you want to listen to my high pitched audition for the best Opera singer in town - practice time is always in the middle of the night!
6. It's just spit up, relax yourself. Listen, you wanted to hold me, burp me, swaddle me, soothe me (see above), so now deal with it. Like I said, this is what I do - AROUND THE CLOCK!
7. Please don't expect my Mommy to call you, text or post a million photos on FB. She's taking good care of me and would rather stare at my sweet face than her phone.
* * * This post was written to promote discussion and provide support, not judgement on one another's parenting style. I'm a birth worker, not a new mom. The photo is of my grandson the day he was born. I hope you can appreciate what suits you and disregard what doesn't ... perhaps enjoy the intended humour. Some of this is actually evidence based. We all give our children all that we have, heart and soul ... including OUR preferred parent style. Your baby ... you're rules. Have courage ... enjoy and love your babies your way. You're a good mom!!!!! (dad, relative, friend) ♥ ♥ ♥
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