Bath time!

3 years 4 months 4 days. That's how old my daughter is, and approximately how long it's been since I've taken a bath without an audience. That might seem like forever to most people- and if I'm being honest it most definitely is- but let me tell you..those 3 years have gone too fast. 3 years of someone peeing in my water. 3 years of someone needing me to wash their hair. 3 years of rubber duckies and dolls that get stuck in places they shouldn't because we all can't- but must- all fit in at the same time. 3 years of cold showers, soaked floors, wasted body wash, and millions of memories I have taken for granted. At one point, you didn't take up much room at all. You laid on my chest and  took a deep breath every time the warm water crossed your back. You just laid there staring at me. & in that moment I was begging for you to fall asleep so I could hand you off to Daddy so I could shave my legs with both hands. You quickly grew big enough to sit in a seat and the bigger you got the more toys we had to have and more crowded the tub got, but somehow we made it work. 

By age 2 you had finally grew hair and I was able to wash your curly blonde hair with sweet scents like strawberry and watermelon. The bigger you got the more attention you needed. You had to wash your hair with shampoo AND conditioner. You needed bubbles and toys and 6 Dora rags to wash your body and barbies. The bigger you got the more you needed ME. 

I won't lie and tell you there are days I wish she could wash her own hair. Days I wish we didn't have a meltdown bc a molecule of water got too close to your lipstick and you had a total meltdown bc I ruined your bath. Days I wish just for once I could turn the water to scolding hot to soak my tired aching body. And then there are days like today, when I don't want you to get out of my bath. I want to wash and brush your hair for as long as you'll let me. I want to hear all about how your legs don't work because you're not a mermaid. I want to use every drop of that pink body wash so we can fill the tub with a million bubbles. I want to watch you lay your head back as you let the warm water cross your chest and close your eyes in total relaxation. I want all these things because I know there will come a day when you don't need me. You won't need the toys, the bubbles, the company. You won't need me to wash and brush your hair and you won't need me to wipe your eyes when water gets in it. You'll shave your own legs and draw your own bath. You won't spend your bath talking to me about mermaids but instead reflecting quietly to yourself. While I'm left to bathe quietly, peacefully...alone.

I want this because I know someday, sooner than later, I will need this. And when that day comes, you won't need me. And I'll be left by myself, daydreaming about you and mermaids. 

Signed, 

A mama who wishes she could freeze time ❤️