Monday, 11 December 2017
Having babies isn’t what it seems.
“Call me a hypocrite.... but I’m young mum, please don’t have kids young.
Accidents happen, and when they happen— sure— step up! But don’t plan this at 15...16...17.
Ps. This is to all the young teens who post in advice/women’s groups on Facebook saying “I want a baby... I’m so clucky.. I want to be a teen mum”.
Please understand my opinion is coming from a good place, I may not know you, but I give a shit enough to give you realistic advice.
I know you’ll either roll your eyes, call me a hypocrite, or maybe this will hit you in the head like a soccer ball on a school playground, and open up your mind— but at the end of the day it’s your body and your choice— just remember that your choice will not only affect you but your partner and most importantly, your potential child’s life.
Too many young girls are planning to have babies upon impulse without thinking about the situation as it is— a lifetime commitment to ANOTHER human. It is NO picnic. It’s f**king hard, some days it drives you to insanity and you’re crying into a pillow because you haven’t had time to eat, shit, sleep or shower in two days— that’s the truth.
Babies are not something that should be had “when you feel clucky” as some have said. That’s another human life— and it’s definitely not as delightful as it looks in your friends photos on Facebook. Those “perfect family photos” make up for 2% of a day where the house is at peace— believe me— its aaaaall an illusion.
Babies might be cute, and I fall in love every time a mum brings her baby into my work— I beg for a hold just so I can take in that youthful newborn smell all over again!
... but all the cute stuff, the little yawns, the tiny socks, all the things that “make you clucky” come and go like Christmas Day.
Sure, the love between a mother and child at any age will always be there, I love my son more than anything on this earth— but if I could go back I would have had him when I was in a stable relationship with no significant financial burden. If I could go back, I would have finished University FIRST and set myself up so that I could have been the best mum I can be.
I was a mum at 13 turning 14 but the difference is I didn’t plan it in the slightest— I stepped up and now I struggle my ass off to provide for a child who deserves [more]. I couldn’t even afford to buy her birthday presents last year— it was heartbreaking. I’m always behind on bills to this day. Not only that, but I stayed with an abusive person for the sake of my child for a good year+.. then after a year of losing my mind, I left— and that wasn’t the easy way out because I still deal with ongoing abuse from ex in-laws and a very unsupportive ex (father of my child).
To sum up, my child has one parent who she doesn’t see enough, because I’m either studying or I’m at work trying to provide for her, and another parent who puts her as a last priority behind his social/clubbing life when he should be spending time with her.
My baby doesn’t deserve this— It’s hard admitting that my girl deserves more, but it’s the truth.
Being a parent is NOT something you should plan at a young age. Sure, you might have your head screwed on at 17 like I and many other mums did and could make the sacrifices necessary to give a child the essentials— but if you don’t have the financial stability, a respectful relationship, the maturity and a willingness to make sacrifices [from both parents] or the support from a community of people including friends and family— hell, my point is— if it’s not what’s best for them, why on earth would you plan it? 😞
Sure, I often hear the phrase “you’re never ready at any age”, but when you have a choice and you’re not in the situation where you NEED to step up and do all of this, ALWAYS decide to plan “what’s best” instead of acting on an impulse that will effect more people than yourself.
I hope this will reach the audience it’s directed at, and I hope many young women will see this for what it is— an encouragement to choose what’s best, to strive to achieve all your goals, finish your education and fall in love with someone along the way who treats you like a queen— do all of this before settling down and starting a family. We all deserve a happy life, lived at it greatest potential— including our little ones!” ❤️❤️